Its so sad when one looses a loved one.
It really must be traumatic to loose a friend, an ally, a lover and a compatriot.
The death of a spouse can't be easy to bear at all especially when that loved on has been responsible in duty.
I always wonder what must be going on in the minds of widowed women as the wail over the loss of their husbands.
Could they be wailing the loss of a breadwinner? Could their cries be from fear of not knowing how to continue alone? Could it be because they cannot tell what fate awaits them in the hands of cruel relatives and evil traditions?
or could it just be borne out of obligation so that people wont think she didn't love her husband or worse.....
A friend of a friend lost her husband recently and I accompanied my friend to pay her a visit after the funeral.
Her home was busy as quite a number of her friend still paid her visits.
We were all in her bedroom, some of us sitting on the massive bed she once shared with her love.
Someone was painting her toe nails, another was applying hair cream to the roots of her braided hair.
My friend and her sister kept dashing in and out of the room as they supervised the preparation of lunch in the kitchen. We were all chit chatting, flirting from one topic to another in an unconscious bid to cheer her up.
The the question was asked!!!
The questioner, a bespectacled lady with chubby features and a face you cant be angry with. I'm sure she had no ill will as she asked the question.
" I know it is quite early o, but would consider remarrying in future"?
As the words landed, we all took a sharp intake of breath, the moment seemed frozen in an extended pause as we all turned to look at the bereaved lady.
A faint smile played on her lips as she answered.
Ah, no o!!! Once is just enough o!!!
Someone dashed to the door to check if any of her in-laws were within ear shot. Mercifully no of them were.
"Ehn? What do you mean by that"? asked our bespectacled questioner again.
"Well, not that I am in anyway pleased by what has happened o, you guys must understand that I truly love my husband, he was my world and will always miss him, in fact, I'm not sure how I'm going to go on without him, but you see, being female in this part of the world ain't easy o.
When I married my husband, I was over the moon - literally. I was happy to be marrying the man of my dreams. I simply couldn't wait to set up my own home and have things done my way. After growing up as a good girl in my parents house being obedient and all that, I looked forward to being the boss of my life but I soon found out that as well as being married to my ' Boo' ,I was also married to societal expectations and cultural values. A whole bunch of norms - what is right and wrong, all unspoken rules of course but still I felt I had to rise up to the occasion each time.
Now that I don't have an official title - so to speak, I'd like to enjoy the freedom of hanging loose, to be able to eat cornflakes for supper if I'm too tired to cook and spend the day in my pyjamas if I so desire, you know all that stuff, I'd like to discover the real me".
We were all nodding our heads in some sort of agreement with her.
The a voice behind me asked "So what are you going to do for sex"?
It was our chubby enquiring friend, Someone playfully flung a pillow at her and we all busted out laughing as lunch was brought in.